Author: gaulizio (Page 1 of 3)
For my third project my peer review partner was Brandon, we decided to use similar peer review guidelines to previous projects, mainly the peer review guidelines for project 2 since both guidelines involved looking for a naysayer paragraph. My partner left comments that pointed me in the right direction, the content of my essay is sound but I need to integrate more of my source information. In practice the peer review guidelines worked well, which is to be expected as they were based off of the guidelines for previous projects which were really useful to me in the past. However if there was one are I wished we had touched on in the guidelines it would be simple sentence and grammar level issues since I often overlook them and a second set of eyes would have been helpful but not entirely necessary since it is just a rough draft that is bound to change.
I decided to make my project 3 in the interview podcast format. In this process I wrote a script outlining what me and the interviewer (my brother) would say. The script went through a few edits after reading it aloud and it turned out to be around 5 and a half minutes. I decided at the last week of the project to switch over to the podcast format because I find myself having more fun and being more engaged with the podcast than I do with the essay.
Working Thesis: The use of our personal online data by companies and sites does more harm than good for the user.
Outline or Graphic organizer
After listening to the various podcasts about social media, technology and data collection I have to say I’m a bit concerned. The situation described in china is very reminiscent of the book 1984, a dystopian about what our lives would be like under an oppressive communist leader. In the novel, citizens are surveyed constantly throughout the day and they are even assigned a social status which is exactly what china does with their social “credit score”. Overall listening to these podcasts really got me thinking about my online privacy and how much of what I do is tracked and used to target ads at me. The example that the TED talk gave about a pregnant 15 year old girl being discovered as pregnant by target before her parents based on her shopping habits really surprised me. I had no idea that these companies had the power to do this, I know in my life there have been times where I felt I was being surveyed and recommended things to buy based off of my interests or frequented online sites but never to the degree that this girl faced. Internet users need to be more aware of how their data is being used and learn ways of controlling it because our data should be our own.
I chose to use the cluster prewriting strategy for my second project about social media and self. I chose the cluster method because it is the one I found to be most useful during my last project and so when it came time to choose a strategy I chose one that I knew worked for me. I like the cluster method as it allows me to just get all my ideas and thoughts out about the topic before I begin writing, I think that this is a very useful step to take and will help in the long run.
I believe that through this second writing project I have improved on the learning outcome which focuses on critiquing ones one work through early global revision and local revision later. In this second project I made much clearer and extennsive global revisions,adding and taking out whole paragraphs and integrating new ideas that I had not done in previous drafts.
As these pictures from my final draft show, I removed very large portions of my essay and replaced them, improving on my global revision skills.
It was Christmas morning when we first met, I remember your excitement as you opened me out of my case and how happy you were. The first thing you did was watch tons of funny videos, play games, and text friends. But things have changed. I’m no longer this source of joy that I used to be, I’m more of a daily habit. You wake up, check snapchat and instagram, watch a video or two and then listen to music. You barely text your friends anymore and you deleted every game, I guess I’m no longer any fun to you. I guess people just grow out of using their phone as a source of joy and I just become part of your schedule. What happened to us? you used to be excited to get out of school to play games, but I guess I’m no more than a glorified music player.
Today in class I chose to focus on my use of commas in my essay about social media and its effect on ones sense of self as this was an area I struggled with in my previous paper. I mainly focused on introductory commas and I was able to add or remove commas as needed so that the sentence was grammatically correct. Additionally, I looked at my use of commas when regarding the word “however” as I learned today in class that when combining an independent clause and a subordinate clause with “however” you need a semicolon before “however” and a comma after.
After reading “Social Networking and Identity” I used the chunking method to annotate it. Overall I liked this method as it allowed me to break up what was a pretty large section into small digestible chunks that I could take the time to understand and then move on to the next. The only con I have for this method is that it is a lot more time consuming than the other methods of annotation we learned.
{Topic}The topic of the use of cell phones and the negative effects they are having on today’s teens has come up a lot lately. {Restriction} Specifically, how the use of them has made teenagers less social than ever before. {Evidence} In Jean Twenge’s Atlantic article “Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?” she talks to many teenagers on their views and experiences and is told by one teen that “she’d spent most of the summer hanging out alone in her room with her phone.” {Analysis} Most teens today are content to just sit in their rooms and use their phone since all the interaction they could ever want is done with their phone. In past generations, this was not possible so physical real life interactions were the only way to socialize with friends, building positive social skills.
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